Dear Grief Friend,
We have a lot to share today, so we won't waste time with a meandering intro. Today is the second of May, so we want to share resources for Mother's Day. However, we also want to share a few items for those who don't feel impacted by Mother's Day or who already feel burnt out thinking about it.
The game plan is this ➡️ we'll share our Mother's Day content in the second half of this email. In the first half, we have a few things from around the web we want to share, and we're going to do a little Flashback Friday and highlight articles we wrote in May of 2024, 2020, 2018 - you get the idea.
As for the specifics -- here's what you'll find in this newsletter:
- Article Highlight: "How Old Would she be Now?" and Other Grief Equations
- Flashback Friday: What were we writing about in May in the past?
- Grief Tidbits from Around the Web
- Mother's Day Support: Articles, Podcasts, and Quotes
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"How Old Would She be Now?" and Other Grief Equations [An Article from the May Archives]
"When will I ever use this?" is a timeless refrain. Kids have been saying it since the invention of geometry. And, as someone who has two high schoolers, I can assure you it's something they're still saying today.
The truth is that, as an adult, the most complicated math I do is helping my kids with their homework. How meta. I also use it for the sporadic cooking adventure, when I sometimes pretend I'm a business person who uses spreadsheets, and when I lie awake at night doing grief math in the darkness.
You know what grief math is, don't you? It's questions like:
How long has my mom been dead?
How many years until I'm the same age as her when she died?
How many days has it been since I last saw her?
How many Christmases has she missed?
How many grandchildren has she not had the chance to meet?
How old are the rest of my loved ones in my mother's generation?
If they all live until 100, how much longer will we have together?
To be sure, I'm not engaging in such calculations for my love of math. Rather, my unadulterated grief and existential panic. I was already prone to being existential—and I think having a baby in my late 30s triggered a new wave of anxiety for me.
Having a baby close to 40 isn't that big of a deal these days, but my own mother died in her 50s, which I consider relatively young. She had just seen my youngest sister off to college. Only 7 out of her 27 grandchildren had been born. She never had the chance to retire and reap what she so tirelessly sowed.
So when I calculate how many years I have until I'm the same age she was when she died, it sends me into a tailspin of subsequent equations about how much of my children's lives I will miss if my path mirrors hers. Though I have no reason to believe my life will end anything like hers (besides the 10% of pancreatic cancers that are hereditary) -- I still can't help but consider all the possibilities.
The aspiring optimist in me wishes I could flip the equation and focus on the positive numbers. For example, how many years I was lucky enough to have with my mom or how many precious hours I spend with my daughters, but I can't do it. The answer to "How much time is enough with the people I love?" will always be infinity. I guess I'm selfish that way. [Continued on WYG]
Flash Back Friday ➡️ Articles from May of Years Past
What Does it Mean to Be Strong in Grief?
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Is the Second Year of Grief Harder?
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Relief After a Death: Unspoken Grief
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Grief Tidbits from Around the Web 👩💻
4 Ways we Could Improve Miscarriage Care via the Stylist
The Stylist article highlights the shortcomings in miscarriage care and proposes four key recommendations to enhance support for those affected based on data and testimonies gathered from over 150 women.
Kevin Love and Tristan Thompson embrace in emotional on-court hug after death of Love’s dad via Today
NBA player Kevin Love shared an emotional moment with former teammate Tristan Thompson before Game 4 of the playoff series between the Miami Heat and Cleveland Cavaliers. This occurred just a day after the passing of Love's father, Stan Love, a former NBA player who died at the age of 76
'We run grief discos to help people cope with loss' via the BBC
Now that's creative coping!
Four Weddings and No Funeral via NextAvenue
How to offer support to grieving loved ones and friends in the absence of a funeral
Grief Support for Mother's Day
Featured Mother's Day Articles:
A Mother's Chorus: Grieving a Child on Mother's Day
We recommend this article for mothers grieving children on Mother's Day.
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Mother's Day Grief: Life Without a Mother's Love
We recommend this article for children grieving a mother figure on Mother's Day.
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Podcast: Mother's Day and Father's Day Grief
May is here and that means Mother's Day and Father's Day are upon us. In this episode we cover all the basics - why it's hard, who is impacted, and some suggestions for coping.
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Keep up with the podcast by following/subscribing on whatever podcast platform you use, or make sure you're following us on YouTube.
Additional Mother's Day Support:
Articles About Mother’s Day Grieving
Other Articles About Grieving a Mother:
Grieving a Grandparent:
Pregnancy Loss
Articles About Remembering and Memory
Parenting While Grieving
Grieving a Complicated Relationship
Parting Words...
Litsa Williams, MA, LCSW-C and Eleanor Haley, MS
Co-Founders
whatsyourgrief@gmail.com
www.whatsyourgrief.com
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