I'll go ahead and acknowledge the giant turkey in the room, Thanksgiving can be the pits for people who are grieving. Many of the values, traditions, and messages associated with the day, like warmth, comfort, gratitude, and family togetherness, can feel in direct conflict with a grieving person's actual reality.
After a death, it's typical for grieving people to feel apathy towards experiences that used to bring them joy. This is not a deliberate choice anyone makes, grief just changes the way life looks and feels.
Sadly, this loss of joy may feel like a secondary loss to many, especially if you feel out of touch with things you previously cherished, like tradition and togetherness. You'd love to feel those old familiar and enthusiastic holiday feelings, but instead, it feels like you're standing out in the cold, watching through a window while everyone else enjoys the warmth of the holiday season.
With all the uplifting and nostalgic holiday messaging, no one would blame you for feeling left out. Many people feel like the holidays are only for happy people. However, I'm here to refute this notion. The holidays are for everyone, even those who feel sad.
Grief at Thanksgiving 🥧
I know many of you may be thinking about scraping Thanksgiving all together. Maybe you're dreading grief triggers, maybe your loved one seemed so central to the day that you wouldn't know how to carry it off without them, or maybe you're just feeling anything but grateful.
If it's an absent sense of gratitude that's making you feel cut-off from Thanksgiving, I want to offer a thought. Just as the holidays aren't only for happy people, neither is gratitude. You don't have to choose between grief or feeling grateful. As we've said in the past, you can feel two things at once. In fact, it's common for grieving people to have conflicting emotions.
So here's our not at all groundbreaking advice...[Check out the full article on What's Your Grief]
In our membership community, we hold brief weekly sessions on coping tools. One session we always hold around Thanksgiving focuses on finding small ways to connect with gratitude and use it as a coping tool, especially when you're feeling anything but grateful. In it, we shared a few tools and exercises that are easy for anyone to try. As Thanksgiving approaches, we make the session replay available to everyone.
​
Acknowledge the little wins
Coping with grief often means taking small steps to help yourself feel better, especially around the holidays. The following is a list of things we consider tiny Thanksgiving wins when grieving during the holidays. What would you add to the list?
​
Parting Words...
​
Litsa Williams, MA, LCSW-C and Eleanor Haley, MS Co-Founders whatsyourgrief@gmail.com ​www.whatsyourgrief.com​
Dear Reader, Mother’s Day is early this year. Next weekend - May 10th. Did you know? I find that grieving people usually fall into one of two categories when it comes to days like Mother’s Day. They either dread the day way too far in advance or they feel blindsided by it - it’s rarely in between. My mother never made a big deal about Mother’s Day when I was growing up, which was my lame excuse for not making one either. If I had been a half-decent child, I would have realized it wasn’t my...
Dear Grief Friend, Today, we have two important items to share. First, we're sharing a new article on the finality of death and why it’s so darn hard to accept. We’ve decided to share new articles in full because, well, we want people to read them! But please remember that if you’d like to comment on the article (please do!) or share the link with a friend or family member who might find it helpful (please do x 2!), you have to hop over to the website. Second, we’re asking for your input...
Dear Grief Friend, A few weeks ago, we asked our newsletter readers a simple question: "What is one thing that has helped in your grief?" The question was intentionally broad and straightforward. Responses could describe anything, big or small, and could reflect what helps with any aspect of life after a loss. We expected some people to answer "nothing," and a few did. We respect this response as much as any other. Who among us hasn't felt, at times, that there is nothing they, or anyone...